Series: The Great Gildersleeve
Christmas Show
Date: Dec 19 1943 Scanned from the original script: note the dual sponsorship and local station issues!
Script courtesy of Ted Meland and Radio Active

SPONSORS: KRAFT CHEESE COMPANY

WRITERS: John Whedon
Sam Moore

PROGRAM #105 3:30 - 4:00 P.M. NBC Sunday, December 19, 1943

ANNCR:
Kraft presents ... "The Great Gildersleeve!"

GILDY:
(Laugh)

ORCH:
OPENING THEME ... FADE FOR:

ANNCR:
The Kraft Cheese Company, who also bring you the Kraft Music Hall every Thursday night, present each week at this time, Harold Peary as The Great Gildersleeve, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore.

ORCH:
THEME UP AND OUT
---
Program #105 CUT IN SECTIONALLY OUT OF WASHINGTON
PHENIX PABST-ETT COMPANY
Pabst-ett
 

CUE LINE:
We'll hear from The Great Gildersleeve in just a moment.

OPENING COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER:
(PLEASE READ IN 1: 00)

If you're puzzled over how to please your guests these next two holiday weekends, here's a happy solution to your mealtime, lunchtime problems. Be sure to have on hand a package or two of Pabst-ett -- the delicious, golden cheese food! Pabst-ett, you see, is a very special cheese food ... so it's particularly suited to very special occasions! Pabst-ett spreads so easily and slices so neatly, you can whip up a tempting tray of appetizers in a jiffy. And that's just one of many ways you can delight your guests with the taste-tingling cheddar cheese flavor of Pabst-ett! Pabst-ett melts with luscious smoothness into grand cheese sauces for hot vegetables, fish, egg and chicken dishes. And for dessert that's sure to win extra compliments, serve Pabst-ett melted over apple pie. It's a fine energy food -- Pabst-ett -- nourishing, wholesome, easy to digest. So for all sorts of delightful, nourishing treats for the holidays -- be sure to get Pabst-ett from your dealer tomorrow. PABST-ETT ... the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred uses!

---
Program #105 CUT IN SECTIONALLY OUT OF WASHINGTON

12/19/43 CUT IN LOCALLY - KVOO, TULSA

CUT IN LOCALLY - KWBW, HUTCHINSON
CUT IN LOCALLY - KARK, LITTLE ROCK
CUT IN LOCALLY - KANS, WICHITA
CUT IN OUT OF HOLLYWOOD - KTAR - PHOENIX
KGLU - SAFFORD
KVOA - TUCSON
KYUM - YUMA

CUE LINE:
We'll hear from The Great Gildersleeve in just a moment.

ANNOUNCER:
(PLEASE READ IN 1: 00)

These next two weekends, the cheer of the holiday season will be with us ... and we'll all be greeting -- and perhaps treating -- old-time friends and acquaintances. If you're having guests for the holidays, certainly you'll want to serve bread, rolls and muffins with a delicious spread that brings out the full, fine flavor of these baking treats. And, of course, one spread that's sure to please your most critical guest is Parkay Margarine. You see, Parkay Margarine is made by Kraft -- so you'd naturally expect Parkay to have a delicate, satisfying flavor. And since Parkay already is a favorite spread in millions of American homes, chances are you'll hit on the particular spread your guests enjoy the most. Parkay Margarine is one of the best energy foods you can serve every day in the year ... and each pound contains 9,000 units of important Vitamin A! So, for a delicious, nourishing spread that' sure to please your family and guests, buy and serve Parkay ... P-A-R-K-A-Y ... Parkay Margarine, made by Kraft!

---

ORCH:
(THEME "B")

ANNCR:
Well, in Summerfield, too, Christmas is almost at hand, but for Gildersleeve and his household there is little cheer in prospect. For Gildersleeve has had a falling out with his niece, the apple of his eye. It was one of those family feuds where everybody went off half-cocked ...

MARJ:
Don't you talk like that about Wally Hoff!

GILDY:
I'll say what I please about Wally Hoff -- and don't let me catch you going out with him again! (MUTTERS) Three o'clock in the morning!

MARJ:
I'm old enough to choose my own friends -- I'll go out with him if I like!

GILDY:
You go out with him again, young lady, and you'll stay out! Just take your choice!

MARJ:
All right, I will!

SOUND:
DOOR SLAMMED

ANNCR:
(SLIGHT PAUSE) That was yesterday. Marjorie left home without a word, and hasn't been seen since. Now, after a miserable, sleepless night and a glum breakfast, Gildersleeve rises from the table prepared to take steps.

SOUND:
CHAIR PUSHED BACK FROM TABLE

GILDY:
(AFTER ANTICIPATORY PAUSE) (EXPLODES) By George, I can't stand this!

LEROY:
What are you going to do, Unk?

BIRDIE:
Yeah, what are you going to do, Mr. Gildersleeve?

GILDY:
I'm going to put an ad in the paper!

BIRDIE:
An ad!

GILDY:
I don't care whether it makes me look foolish or not.

LEROY:
You mean, "Come home --all is forgiven" -- One of those?

GILDY:
Yes. That's very good, my boy -- "Come home, Marjorie. All is forgiven!"

BIRDIE:
Excuse me, Mr. Gildersleeve, but who is forgiving who?

GILDY:
What's that?

BIRDIE:
Seems it might work better if Miss Marjorie was forgiving you. Just a suggestion.

LEROY:
Yeah. You know these red-heads when they get their back up.

GILDY:
I see what you mean ... Well, confound it, how can I apologize to her if she doesn't stick around? What do you think I ought to do, Birdie?

BIRDIE:
I don't know, Mr. Gildersleeve, but I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm praying!

GILDY:
Not a bad idea.

BIRDIE:
Yes, sir. 'Cause last night something came to me. And it wasn't good.

GILDY:
What was it, Birdie?

BIRDIE:
(SLIGHT PAUSE) Mr. Gildersleeve, you don't think maybe the Black Hand has got her?

LEROY:
Hey! Birdie's right -- maybe some gang is holding her for ransom!

GILDY:
Birdie, you've been reading Leroy's comic books.

BIRDIE:
Well, it ain't like Marjorie to stay away from home all night, and that's a fact!

LEROY:
She might be lying somewhere bound and gagged! With adhesive tape over her mouth!

GILDY:
Nonsense! You saw her telegram.

LEROY:
Yeah, but it could have been fake. Or maybe they made her write it -- by holding candles to her bare feet!

GILDY:
Pooh!

LEROY:
They do! They tie you in a kitchen chair, with your arms behind you like this --

BIRDIE:
Leroy's right, Mr. Gildersleeve. I think maybe they ought to be searching the woods, or dragging the reservoir or something.

GILDY:
Don't talk like that!

LEROY:
If we just had that dog now-- that dog I've been asking for for Christmas -- we could trail her. Dogs can smell people, you know. They can follow 'em.

GILDY:
Never mind...

LEROY:
Besides, a dog is protection -- they bark if anybody comes near the house.

GILDY:
Leroy, will you...

LEROY:
Dogs are economical, really, too -- because they eat up all the scraps. They don't chew things if you train 'em right. If I had one, I'd train him --

GILDY:
Leroy! How can you be thinking about a dog when your sister may be -- (SLIGHT PAUSE) Oh, it's ridiculous! A thing like that couldn't happen to Marjorie.

BIRDIE:
I don't know, Mr. Gildersleeve. I noticed some strange people around here lately.

GILDY:
What kind of people?

BIRDIE:
Well, that new milkman -- I don't trust him. He's got a wandering eye.

GILDY:
The milkman's all right. It's tramps and people like that you've got to look out for. Suspicious characters...

LEROY:
Yeah!

GILDY:
They move into a town and hide out for a few days, till they spot the most prominent people--the ones they think have money --

LEROY:
Yeah!

GILDY:
What am I talking about? The whole thing's ridiculous! I wish you two'd shut up -- you've got me nervous! (TRYING TO BE CALM) Just because Marjorie flew off the handle ... just because she didn't say where she was going...just because she stayed out one night... (FLARES UP) By George, ridiculous or not, I'm not taking any chances! I'm going to get a searching party!

LEROY:
A posse! That's what we need, Unk!

GILDY:
I'll get the Judge -- he can swear us in as deputies. And Floyd - he's got a hunting rifle.

LEROY:
His brother raises bloodhounds.

GILDY:
We'll get him, too. And Doc Pettibone...

LEROY:
Can I come, too, Unk? I'll bring my B-B gun!

GILDY:
No -- you'll go to school.

LEROY:
There's no school today.

GILDY:
Oh.

LEROY:
Nothing but that Christmas play this afternoon.

GILDY:
Well, go there and give your performance!

LEROY:
Aw, who wants to be in a Christmas play when his sister's being held prisoner somewhere in a one-room cabin?

GILDY:
You're not going to use this as an excuse to get out of the play, young man. Miss Goodwin's worked hard on it, and I want you to do the best you can.

LEROY:
You care more about Miss Goodwin than you do about finding Marjorie!

GILDY:
That's not true!

LEROY:
Then why can't I come? She's my sister!

GILDY:
(RESTRAINING HIMSELF) Now let's not get excited. Nothing's happened to your sister...

SOUND:
DOOR BELL

BIRDIE:
Front door -- I'll go.

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS FADING TO DOOR -- UNDER DIALOGUE

GILDY:
Calm yourself. Nothing's happened to Marjorie...

SOUND:
DOOR OPENING ... OFF

GILDY:
She's perfectly all right.

BIRDIE:
(OFF) Good morning, Judge Hooker.

GILDY:
(EXCITED) Judge! You're just in time -- Marjorie's been kidnaped!

ORCH:
BRIDGE NO. 1

JUDGE:
Raise your right hand. "I, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve..."

GILDY:
"I, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve..."

JUDGE:
"...being duly sworn..."

GILDY:
"...being duly sworn..."

JUDGE:
"...do hereby promise that I will uphold the laws and constitution of this state..."

GILDY:
"...do hereby promise that I will uphold the constitution and laws of this..."

JUDGE:
"Laws and constitution."

GILDY:
What's the difference?

JUDGE:
That's the oath. I didn't write it. Just say it, will you?

GILDY:
"...Laws and constitution of this state."

JUDGE:
Well, I guess that does it. By virtue of the authority vested within me, I now pronounce you a deputy sheriff.

LEROY:
Where's the badge?

GILDY:
Yes, what about a badge?

JUDGE:
I haven't any badges. I don't carry them with me.

LEROY:
How's he gonna scare anybody?

JUDGE:
The duty of a deputy sheriff is not primarily to scare people.

SOUND:
KNOCK ON DOOR

LEROY:
He ought to have a badge anyway. Even the Junior G-Men have badges.

GILDY:
(FADING) There's something in what the boy says, Judge.

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS FADING TO DOOR, UNDER DIALOGUE

SOUND:
DOOR OPENED.

GILDY:
(OFF) Come in, Floyd.

JUDGE:
Floyd!

SOUND:
DOOR CLOSED.

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS FADING IN UNDER DIALOGUE

FLOYD:
(FADING IN) Hello, there, Judge. Well, I closed up the shop the minute you called Mr. Gildersleeve. Just stopped by the house to pick up my gun here.

GILDY:
Thanks, Floyd. I don't like to ask this of you.

FLOYD:
Glad to do it. Gosh, if Marjorie was my girl, I'd feel the same.

GILDY:
Swear him in, Judge.

JUDGE:
Don't need to.

FLOYD:
He wore me in the time the camel got loose from the circus.

GILDY:
Oh. Well, first we'll pick up Doc Pettibone, then I thought we'd go out to the edge of town and start beating through the woods around Green Lake -- you know, where we went moose hunting.

FLOYD:
Good idea. Even if we don't get any kidnappers, we might get a shot at a rabbit.

GILDY:
Well, now wait a minute, Floyd. I think we ought to keep this exclusively a man hunt. If we don't we'll never find Marjorie.

FLOYD:
But suppose we just happen to see a rabbit?

GILDY:
You may shoot in self-defense.

JUDGE:
I suggest we form sort of an organization before we start. Floyd should be leader, in my opinion.

GILDY:
I'll ask you to kindly remember who's niece we're looking for, Judge.

LEROY:
But gosh, Unk, Floyd's got a gun!

GILDY:
So have I.

LEROY:
But Floyd's got a badge, too.

GILDY:
So he has. I think you should let me wear the badge, Floyd.

FLOYD:
I don't see why.

GILDY:
All right, keep it. Nothing but a piece of tin, anyway.

FLOYD:
It is not! It's the official badge of a dep...

JUDGE:
Forget the badge, Floyd! You, too, Gildy. Let's get started looking for Marjorie.

GILDY:
We've got to wait for the dogs, Judge.

JUDGE:
Dogs?

GILDY:
Floyd's brother is bringing his bloodhounds.

JUDGE:
Oh?

FLOYD:
Well, they're not exactly bloodhounds. They're more of a fox terrier.

JUDGE:
Whoever heard of a man hunt with a fox terrier?

FLOYD:
They're not pure fox terrier. There's a lot of Airedale, on their mother's side.

JUDGE:
What you're trying to say, Floyd, is the dogs are mutts.

FLOYD:
Well now, Judge, I think that's going a little far!

GILDY:
You're just quibbling, Judge. If we...

SOUND:
KNOCK ON DOOR

FLOYD:
That must be Harry now, with the dogs.

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS FADING TO DOOR, OVER DIALOGUE

SOUND:
DOOR OPEN

LEILA:
(OFF) Hello, Throckmorton.

GILDY:
(OFF) Hello, Leila. I was expecting some dogs.

LEILA:
(OFF) Well! I hope I'm not too much of a disappointment.

GILDY:
(OFF) Oh, no. Uh, come in, won't you?

LEILA:
(OFF) Thank you.

SOUND:
DOOR CLOSED

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS FADING IN UNDER DIALOGUE

LEILA:
(FADING IN) Mercy, what are all these people doing here? Good morning, Judge.

JUDGE:
Good morning, Leila.

LEILA:
Who's the man with the shotgun?

GILDY:
That's just Floyd, Leila. He's my barber.

LEILA:
I still don't understand what he's doing with a shotgun.

GILDY:
Well...

JUDGE:
Floyd, this is Mrs. Ransome.

FLOYD:
Oh! I seen her going past the shop many's the time. Pleased to meet you.

LEILA:
How do you do? Throckmorton, may I ask what in the name of goodness is going on here?

GILDY:
(GRIMLY) This is no business for a woman, Leila. I've got a man's work to do this morning.

LEROY:
And two men to help him.

LEILA:
Well, what is it you're going to do, all you men?

GILDY:
We're forming a posse to go out and find Marjorie.

LEILA:
What!

LEROY:
She's probably in the hands of kidnappers, Mrs. Ransome.

GILDY:
That's what I'm afraid of, Leila.

LEILA:
Why that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.

GILDY:
There's nothing ridiculous about it. It's a very serious situation, and we're going to start out as soon as the bloodhounds get here.

LEILA:
(FADING) Come over here a minute, Throckmorton, I want to have a word with you.

GILDY:
But I've got to start out on this search, Leila.

LEILA:
(OFF) Please, Throckmorton...

GILDY:
Oh, all right. (FADING) Excuse me a minute, fellows.

LEILA:
(FADING IN) Now, Throckmorton, you listen to me. We've been good friends, haven't we?

GILDY:
(TRYING NOT TO BE OVERHEARD) Confound it, Leila, this is no time for billing and cooing.

LEILA:
(LOUDER) I am not suggestin' any billin' and cooin', Mr. Gildersleeve!

JUDGE:
(COUGHS, OFF)

GILDY:
Snoopy old goat. Listens to everything.

JUDGE:
(OFF) I do not.

LEILA:
(QUIETLY) Never mind him. All I want to know is, if you find Marjorie, how are you going to treat her?

GILDY:
What do you mean by that, Leila?

LEILA:
Are you going to behave like a bossy, old-fashioned father, or are you going to treat Marjorie with a little horse sense for a change?

GILDY:
I've learned my lesson, Leila. If I find her, I'll never say a harsh word to her again. Is that all you wanted to say?

LEILA:
Well, I think this expedition with shotguns and all is just a little silly. You're likely to find Marjorie much closer to home.

GILDY:
Oh, what do you know about it, Leila?

LEILA:
Didn't you ever heard of women's intuition?

GILDY:
We're not relying on woman's intuition, or a Ouija board, either. We're going to search this town scientifically, and when we find those kidnappers--well!

LEILA:
Oh, pooh!

GILDY:
Leila-- we're going on a dangerous mission. Doesn't that mean anything to you?

LEILA:
You sound just like my late husband, Beauregard, starting on a fishing trip.

GILDY:
All right, make fun. (FADING OUT) We're going to find Marjorie. (FADING IN) Are you ready, men?

FLOYD:
Sure we're ready.

JUDGE:
Been ready for hours.

GILDY:
Well, just as soon as the dogs...

SOUND:
KNOCK ON DOOR

FLOYD:
That must be Harry now!

GILDY:
All right. (HE BECOMES A GENERAL) To the man-hunt! Floyd--shoulder arms! Judge--Attention! Posse, forward, march!

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS LIKE MARCHING SOLDIERS. DOOR OPENS, STOP MARCHING.

MARJ:
Hello, Uncle Mort, where are you going?

GILDY:
Going out to find my niece, don't bother me. Forw-a-a-a-rd -- Marjorie! (PAUSE) Sweet little Marjorie. Is it really you?

MARJ:
It's really me. Is it all right for me to come home?

GILDY:
My, dear, I've been worried half sick about you. Please come home to your old uncle, and never go away again!

MARJ:
I never will!

SOUND:
KISS

FLOYD:
How do you like that, now I gotta cut hair all afternoon!

GILDY:
Oh--Floyd. I guess I won't be needing that posse, now. Thanks just the same. Much obliged to you, too, Judge.

JUDGE:
Well, I'm glad it's all turned out all right. Come on, Floyd.

FLOYD:
Okay. Merry Christmas, everybody!

(TOGETHER)
 

GILDY:
Merry Christmas!

MARJ:
Merry Christmas!

SOUND:
DOOR CLOSES

LEROY:
(SHYLY) Hi, Marge. Glad you're back!

MARJ:
Leroy, it's so good to see you! Oh, you darling. I could---

LEROY:
No kissin' now!

MARJ:
Aren't you glad to see me?

LEROY:
Yeah, but I gotta be in that play this afternoon, and I'm saving my strength for Ethel Hammerschlag.

GILDY:
We'll be there to watch you, my boy. Marjorie--aren't you going to say hello to Mrs. Ransome?

MARJ:
Well--(LAUGHS)

LEILA:
Throckmorton, you silly, where do you think Marjorie's been for the last twenty- four hours?

GILDY:
I don't know. I haven't any idea. I--Leila! Has Marjorie been right there, right next door, all this time?

LEILA:
Yes she has, Throckmorton.

GILDY:
Well, that's not my idea of a humorous practical joke!

MARJ:
Wait a minute, Uncle Mort. I was starting to run away and Mrs. Ransome talked me out of it.

GILDY:
The why didn't you come right home? I was suffering.

LEILA:
I knew you'd suffer, Throckmorton, but I wanted to teach you a lesson.

GILDY:
Well--I'm glad you did it. I hope I've learned it. Marjorie, if I ever try to boss you again, pay no attention to me.

MARJ:
But I want you to boss me, Uncle Mort. You're always right.

GILDY:
No I'm not.

MARJ:
You were right about Wally.

GILDY:
No I wasn't. He's a fine boy, he's been worried about you, too.

MARJ:
Well, I don't think I'll see him anymore.

GILDY:
You should, Marjorie.

MARJ:
But I don't want to!

GILDY:
Marjorie, call up Wally Hoff this instant!

LEILA:
Throckmorton--

GILDY:
Oh. I mean, call him if you want to, my dear. (LAUGHS)

ORCH:
PLAY OFF NO. 1

---

PHENIX PABST-ETT COMPANY
Product: Pabst-ett

The Great Gildersleeve - NETWORK OUT OF HOLLYWOOD

Program #105 December 19, 1943

Cue Line:
The Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just a few moments.

MIDDLE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER:
(Please read in 1: 00)

Here's a tip to you homemakers who are worried about stretching ration points through the two holiday weekends. Serve more of the plentiful non-rationed foods... but do this one thing extra! Give them a festive touch of delicious flavor with Pabst-ett -- the point-thrifty, golden cheese food of a hundred uses. Pabst-ett makes mellow cheddar cheese flavor go a long way toward satisfying hungry holiday appetites. And it's a sure bet that Pabst-ett will please all your guests -- because it's so delicious in so many tempting ways. Pabst-ett melts to a smooth, golden cheese sauce that sparks up the flavor of macaroni, vegetables, eggs, chicken ... any number of foods! It slices easily for serving with desserts ... spreads and toasts to perfection for sandwiches and snacks. And to all those exciting treats, Pabst-ett adds nourishing goodness ... helps provide body-building proteins ... food energy ... milk minerals ... and important Vitamin A! So head up your holiday shopping list with delicious, golden Pabst-ett! Pabst-ett ... in the handy round, flat package.

ORCHESTRA:
(THEME "B")

---

KRAFT CHEESE COMPANY
Product: Parkay
The Great Gildersleeve CUT IN SECTIONALLY OUT OF WASHINGTON

Program #105 December 19, 1943

CUT IN LOCALLY - KVOO, Tulsa
CUT IN LOCALLY - KWBW, Hutchinson
CUT IN LOCALLY - KARK, Little Rock
CUT IN LOCALLY - KANS, Wichita
CUT IN OUT OF HOLLYWOOD - KTAR - Phoenix
KGLU - Safford
KVOA - Tucson
KYUM - Yuma

Cue line:
The Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds.

MIDDLE COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER:
(Please read in 1: 00)

Likely as not, it's going to take a bit of stretching to make your ration points last through two holiday weekends. So if you're on the lookout for a food that is low in ration point cost, yet high in food value, you'll surely want to add Parkay Margarine to your holiday shopping list. Parkay is the quality margarine that's made by Kraft ... and this spreads that adds such delicious flavor and nourishing goodness to your bread, still requires only six ration points a pound. That is heartening news ... because Parkay Margarine is one of the best energy foods you can serve! Parkay's delicate, satisfying flavor enables you to thoroughly enjoy other wholesome foods not on the ration list ... bread muffins, pancakes, waffles ... foods we all like. And since each pound of Parkay Margarine contains 9,000 units of important Vitamin A, that's still another way it aids good family nutrition. So head up your holiday shopping list with delicious, nourishing Parkay ... that's P-A-R-K-A-Y ... Parkay Margarine, made by Kraft!

---

ORCHESTRA THEME "B")

ANNCR:
Well, it's beginning to look more like Christmas for our friend the Great Gildersleeve, whom we join now in the auditorium of the Summerfield Grammar School. He and his niece, Marjorie, along with several hundred other parents, relatives and friends are enjoying Miss Eve Goodwin's production of The Christmas Carol. But the show is almost over. In fact we have arrived just in time to hear the epilogue, which is being read by Gildersleeve's, nephew, Leroy.

LEROY:
(OFF AND UP) "Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father."

GILDY:
The boy has real talent, Marjorie.

MARJ:
Yes he has!

LEROY:
(OFF) "He became as good a friend, as good a master and as good a man as the good old city ever knew, or any other city, town or borough in the good old world. And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be said of all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, Good Bless us, Every One!"

SOUND:
APPLAUSE AND CROWD REACTION. KEEP CROWD EFFECT UNDER THE FOLLOWING:

GILDY:
Well, well! Little Leroy!

MARJ:
I think he was really wonderful!

GILDY:
Fine, fine! I couldn't have done any better myself. -ah! Good afternoon, Judge!

JUDGE:
(FADING IN) Throckmorton.....Marjorie.

GILDY:
Fine show, wasn't it?

JUDGE:
I'd say it was pretty close to professional.

MARJ:
Well, I just never thought Leroy had it in him.

JUDGE:
Leroy played his part well. Good characterization! But if you ask me, they all did well. I believe Miss Goodwin should be given a lot of credit for directing the production.

GILDY:
You're right Judge. And as a member of the school board, I think I'll go back stage right now and tell her so.

JUDGE:
As another member, I'll go with you.

GILDY:
Horace, there's no need both of us going.

JUDGE:
Why not?

MARJ:
Oh, Judge, I was hoping you'd take me over to the refreshment table and buy me some sherbet!

JUDGE:
Well, Marjorie, I can't resist an opportunity like that! Go on Throckmorton, I'll have my fun with the younger generation.

GILDY:
All right, Judge! (TO MARJORIE) Marjorie, you're a very tactful young lady.

MARJ:
(SOTTO) Have a good time, Uncle Mort! But don't forget you're on the school board!

GILDY:
(LAUGHS SELF-CONSCIOUSLY) I don't know what you mean.

JUDGE:
(OFF) See you later, Gildy!

GILDY:
(TO HIMSELF) Now if I -- oops, pardon me! Merry Christmas! -- Excuse me, could I get through here, please? (GRUNTS) Never saw so many people ... (SEES EXIT) Ah!

SOUND:
OPEN DOOR, CLOSE IT AND CUT CROWD

GILDY:
Now, she must be somewhere back here ...

LEROY:
Hya, Unk! Looking for me?

GILDY:
Oh, you! Yes, Leroy, I wanted to congratulate you on your fine performance, my boy!

LEROY:
Thanks.

GILDY:
Whole show was fine.

LEROY:
It would have been better except Scrooge got lost. He left out a whole page.

GILDY:
Is that so? Well, I'm sure no one noticed it. All the actors made a very good impression.

LEROY:
Okay. Let's go home, huh? We still have to fix our tree.

GILDY:
Yes. I uh - thought I might just have a word with Miss Goodwin. Tell her how much we all enjoyed he entertainment.

LEROY:
Ohhhhh, I get it.

GILDY:
Just common courtesy, Leroy. Is she alone?

LEROY:
I think so. She's in the gymnasium, two doors down the hall.

GILDY:
Thank you, my boy. Here -- here's a quarter. Go buy yourself some sherbet.

LEROY:
Okay. (UP) But hurry, will ya, Unk?

GILDY:
(FADING) I won't be long.

SOUND:
GILDY'S FOOTSTEPS IN CORRIDOR.................STOP!

GILDY:
(FADING IN) Well! Hello, Eve!

EVE:
Hello, Throckmorton.

GILDY:
What's going on in here?

EVE:
Nothing. I'm just packing up the properties.

GILDY:
But all this --

EVE:
Oh, the decorations? There's going to be a little dance tonight for the eighth graders. Sit down, won't you?

GILDY:
I just want to congratulate you on a wonderful production.

EVE:
Thank you.

GILDY:
Yes sir, I have never enjoyed The Christmas Carol so much.

EVE:
It is a lovely story, isn't it?

GILDY:
Yes, but you made it a lot better than Dickens ever could, by himself.

EVE:
It's nice of you to say so. I thought Leroy gave an awfully good performance this afternoon.

GILDY:
Well--he's a chip off the old block. That reminds me--which little girl was Ethel Hammerschlag?

EVE:
She played the part of Leroy's wife.

GILDY:
But she's beautiful! Is that the girl Leroy's been complaining he had to kiss?

EVE:
He fought it like a steer.

GILDY:
By George, I'm going to have to get that boy a tonic!

EVE:
I wouldn't worry about him. I think when he finally got around to it, he liked it.

GILDY:
Hmm. Errr---

EVE:
(HASTILY) How did you like the settings for our play, Throckmorton? I designed them myself.

GILDY:
Beautiful! Just like a slice of old England! And that dining room scene! I could almost smell the plum pudding!

EVE:
That scene! We borrowed the table from Hogan Brothers, and we almost lost it.

GILDY:
How could you lose a dining room table?

EVE:
They sold it, and sent a van to take it away, right in the middle of the show!

GILDY:
You don't say. The people that go to a show don't realize what's going on behind the scenes, do they?

EVE:
Oh, if they ever had any idea!

GILDY:
Yes. (PAUSE) Uh -- Eve -- could I take you home?

EVE:
I can't go home yet, Throckmorton. I have to go out and supervise the refreshments, and talk to all the parents, and -- you know.

GILDY:
Oh. Well I thought it would be fun to walk along and look in the windows, see all the Santa Clauses and say Merry Christmas to everybody ... can't you get away?

EVE:
Not for a couple of hours, I'm sure.

GILDY:
Well -- I guess I'd better be going. If my -- (STOPS) --Eve--what's that over there?

EVE:
What?

GILDY:
Hanging near the window.

EVE:
Why -- I don't know.

GILDY:
(FADING) Come here -- let's see.

EVE:
(FADING) I don't even know what you're talking about.

GILDY:
(FADING IN) Now, do you see?

EVE:
(FADING IN) Oh!

GILDY:
Mistletoe! (LAUGHS)

EVE:
Now Throckmorton -- there are people around, and --

GILDY:
Merry Christmas, Eve!

SOUND KISS

EVE:
(LIKES IT) Ohhh.

GILDY:
Well, well. Christmas comes but once a year! But it's great!

EVE:
Throckmorton, you're naughty!

GILDY:
But why? If you can't kiss a girl named Eve, on Christmas Eve, under the mistletoe -- what good is democracy? What good is Christmas? (LAUGHS)

ORCH:
BRIDGE NO. 2

LEROY:
Hey, Marge, look at the tree now! Beginning to get pretty good, isn't it?

MARJ:
(OFF A LITTLE) Very good, Leroy.

LEROY:
Aw, you didn't even look.

MARJ:
(OFF) Yes I did.

LEROY:
You didn't notice the big novelty.

MARJ:
(OFF) Novelty? (FADING IN) What have you thought up now?

LEROY:
There it is.

MARJ:
I don't get it.

LEROY:
Oh, for corn's sake. The tin foil spells Ex-mas!

MARJ:
Ohhhh. Well, that's beautiful Leroy. You spelled it right, too!

LEROY:
Are you kiddin'? I was gonna put 1943 underneath, but there wasn't enough stuff.

SOUND:
DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE

MARJ:
That must be Uncle Mort.

LEROY:
Yeah. Boy, he really congratulated Miss Goodwin, all right.

GILDY:
(FADING IN) Well, well, happy little family! Why, the tree's almost finished.

LEROY:
Yeah, do you like it?

GILDY:
Beautiful! And it says Christmas! Your work, Leroy?

LEROY:
Yep. Good, huh?

GILDY:
Very clever, my boy. Prevent visitors from mistaking it for an Easter lily.

LEROY:
I never get any appreciation around here.

GILDY:
I appreciate you, Leroy. The tree looks fine. Seems to be leaning a little, though.

LEROY:
Yeah -- I think the stand is cock-eyed.

GILDY:
It's very simple Leroy. Take off all the decorations, saw the bottom off the tree, put the stand back on, trim the tree again -- and of course, it'll still be cock-eyed.

MARJ:
Why don't you just leave it? It looks more natural leaning a little.

GILDY:
That's what I say. Looks woodsy. Smells woodsy, too.

MARJ:
Well, that takes care of the tree. Now -- where shall we put the mistletoe?

GILDY:
Mistletoe? Who said anything about mistletoe?

MARJ:
I've got some. Any suggestions on where it should go?

GILDY:
Oh no, my dear. Mistletoe's nothing in my life. You put it where you like, Marjorie.

MARJ:
Well -- how about right here in the doorway?

GILDY:
That's all right. That is, it's all right if you don't want any privacy.

MARJ:
Well, there's no use putting it in a dark closet. Nobody'll see it.

GILDY:
Vestibule's a good place. But as I say, it's nothing to me.

MARJ:
You mean inside the front door? But it's so cold out there.

GILDY:
You don't seem to understand the idea of mistletoe, Marjorie. But just put it anywhere. Anywhere at all.

SOUND:
DOORBELL

GILDY:
Answer the door, Leroy.

LEROY:
Okay.

BIRDIE:
(FADING IN) Doorbell ring, Mr. Gildersleeve?

GILDY:
Leroy's taking care of it, Birdie.

BIRDIE:
Oh. My, the tree looks fine!

SOUND:
DOOR OPEN

GILDY:
Yes.

SOUND:
DOOR CLOSES

BIRDIE:
Sags a little though, don't it?

GILDY:
We can't help that, Birdie.

LEROY:
(FADING IN) It's Mr. Peavey, Unk! (SOTTO) I think he brought us a present.

GILDY:
(SOTTO) Oh my goodness. Get a jar of Birdie's preserves and have Marjorie wrap it up -- quickly!

LEROY:
(SOTTO) Okay.

GILDY:
(SOTTO) Then bring it -- Oh, hello, Peavey! Merry Christmas!

PEAVEY:
(FADING IN) Ah, here you are Mr. Gildersleeve. I've just been inspecting the mistletoe your niece is hanging in the hall, there.

GILDY:
In the hall? That's the most public place in the house.

PEAVEY:
Well, it looks nice there.

GILDY:
Mistletoe is for kissing, Peavey.

PEAVEY:
Yes, I know.

GILDY:
Most people prefer to do their kissing unobserved. It's better that way.

PEAVEY:
Well now, I wouldn't say that. Kissing's good anywhere. If I remember correctly.

GILDY:
(CHUCKLES) You may be right, there. Sit down, won't you, Peavey?

PEAVEY:
I can't stay, really. I just stopped in to bring you the compliments of the season.

GILDY:
Well, the same to you! Merry Christmas!

PEAVEY:
Thank you. Er ... I have a little--

LEROY:
(WAY OFF) Hey, Marge!

PEAVEY:
I've brought you a little--

LEROY:
(A LITTLE NEARER) Hey, marge! Come upstairs a minute!

MARJ:
(OFF A LITTLE) All right.

GILDY:
Ah! What were you saying, Peavey?

PEAVEY:
I've brought your family a little Christmas remembrance, Mr. Gildersleeve.

GILDY:
(SURPRISED) Well, well, Peavey! We've got something for you, too.

PEAVEY:
Oh, that's not necessary. What I've brought you is really nothing at all.

GILDY:
What do you mean by that?

PEAVEY:
Well -- knowing of Leroy's fondness for sweets - and assuming Marjorie's the same...

GILDY:
Yes, indeed, Peavey -- and so am I!

PEAVEY:
Then perhaps you'll accept this box of chocolates, with the Christmas greetings of Mrs. Peavey and myself.

GILDY:
Chocolates! (UP) Leroy, bring down that present for Mr. Peavey!

LEROY:
(OFF) Coming up!

PEAVEY:
Well, really now, Mr. Gildersleeve...

GILDY:
My goodness, chocolates! Why, chocolates are rarer than pearls these days.

PEAVEY:
Well now, I wouldn't say that. The fact is, Mr. Gildersleeve, I found these in the store last week by accident. This particular box of chocolates somehow got in with the camphor balls.

GILDY:
Camphor balls? Were they in there long?

PEAVEY:
Oh no, they couldn't have been. I check my stock pretty carefully every six months.

GILDY:
That's fine.

LEROY:
(FADING IN) Here's your present, Mr. Peavey. Merry Christmas.

PEAVEY:
Thank you, Leroy. The same to you.

GILDY:
It's just a little Christmas delicacy, Mr. Peavey. I hope you and your wife enjoy it.

PEAVEY:
Thank you very much.

GILDY:
You're welcome. Saves me a trip to your house. (CHUCKLES)

PEAVEY:
Gracious, I've got to be getting along.

GILDY:
It's not supper time yet, is it?

PEAVEY:
No, but Mrs. Peavey and I always open our Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve, and I haven't got hers filled yet.

GILDY:
Oh.

PEAVEY:
A candy cane's what I need, but I think I'll put in this Christmas horn instead.

SOUND:
FUNNY HORN BLOWS

PEAVEY:
She'll like that.

GILDY:
I'm sure she will, Peavey.

SOUND:
DOOR OPENS

PEAVEY:
Well, Merry Christmas, again.

GILDY:
Merry Christmas!

PEAVEY:
Oh -- here comes another caller for you. Good evening, Mrs. Ransome. Merry Christmas!

LEILA:
(FADING IN) Merry Christmas, Mr. Peavey! And to Mrs. Peavey, too!

PEAVEY:
Thank you. Good night!

GILDY:
Good night! Well, come in, Leila.

LEILA:
I've brought over a few little things, Throckmorton.

GILDY:
A few! Why, Leila -- all those packages!

LEILA:
Well, Throckmorton, I know you said that you and the children had decided not exchange gifts this year and instead buy war stamps. But I figured that didn't include me so I wanted you to have a few things under the tree.

SOUND:
DOOR CLOSES

GILDY:
That's very thoughtful, Leila. I'm sure the children will be pleased. (ON THE MAKE) Leila, I believe Christmas has put roses in your cheeks.

LEILA:
(WILLING) Really, Throckmorton? How can you tell, here in the dark?

GILDY:
I can tell, Leila -- look what's up there over your head.

LEILA:
Over my head? Oh, mistletoe!

GILDY:
That's right.

LEILA:
Oh, Throckmorton, all these bundle!

GILDY:
Merry Christmas, Leila.

SOUND:
LONG KISS

LEILA:
Ohhhhh.....

SOUND:
DROP ONE PARCEL, THEN ANOTHER, THEN THE WHOLE BUNCH

GILDY:
Who said Christmas comes but once a year? (LAUGHS)

ORCH:
BRIDGE NO. 3

GILDY:
All right, Leroy. I'm afraid it's your bed time.

LEROY:
Aw, can't we sing just one more song, Unk?

GILDY:
Well -- just one. What'll it be?

MARJ:
"White Christmas"!

LEROY:
Naw, that's too slow.

BIRDIE:
How about, "Santy Claus Is Comin' to Town?"

LEROY:
That's for kids.

LEILA:
Would you like, "Sunday, Monday or Always"?

LEROY:
Naw, that's too mushy. How about "Jingle Bells"?

GILDY:
"Jingle Bells" it is, my boy. And let's all sing together, for a change. All right, Leila --

PIANO:
INTRODUCTION

CAST:
(SINGS--WITH GILDERSLEEVE OFF KEY AND OUT OF RHYTHM)

Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way.
Oh, Jingle Bells, Jingle bells,
Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh -- eigh!
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh!

GILDY:
Great!

CAST:
(AD LIB AGREEMENT)

GILDY:
Well, come on Leroy, I'll tuck you in bed.

LEROY:
Okay. Goodnight, everybody.

CAST:
Goodnight, Leroy! Merry Christmas!

LEROY:
Merry Christmas! (FADING) Come on, Unk.

SOUND:
THEIR FOOTSTEPS ON FLOOR

GILDY:
It'll be a little strange this Christmas, with no presents.

LEROY:
War stamps are a fine present.

GILDY:
Then you won't mind it very much?

LEROY:
No I don't mind it. It makes me feel -- oh, I don't know, kind of important. Like I was really doing something.

GILDY:
You are, my boy. You feel all right about it, don't you?

LEROY:
Yeah, only -- yeah, I feel okay.

SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS STOP

GILDY:
What were you going to say?

LEROY:
Well, I still don't see what harm it would have done to get me a dog.

GILDY:
You know I'm against dogs, Leroy. Still -- (FADING) Come here a minute.

LEROY:
Where?

GILDY:
(OFF) Here -- just to the head of the cellar stairs.

LEROY:
(FADING) Cellar stairs? What's the --

GILDY:
Shhh.

SOUND:
OPEN DOOR

GILDY:
(PAUSE) here anything?

SOUND:
PAUSE, THEN PUPPY YELPING

LEROY:
(OFF--HOLLERS) A puppy!

GILDY:
(LAUGHS) Merry Christmas, Leroy! Ooff ... get down! Merry Christmas everybody! (LAUGHS)

ORCH:
PLAY OFF #2

---

KRAFT CHEESE COMPANY
Product: Kraft Mustard

The Great Gildersleeve Program #105 December 19, 1943

NETWORK OUT OF HOLLYWOOD AND ALL CUT-IN POINTS

TAG COMMERCIAL

ANNOUNCER:
(Please read in 1: 00)

Most of you homemakers, I know, aren't wasting a bit of food these days ... and by putting all your left-overs to good use, you're right in step with the vast army of patriotic Americans who are making Food Fight for Freedom! Since you're doing your part, I'd like to be of help by telling you how to put extra-special flavor into left-over meals. Dozens of ordinary dishes turn into taste-tempting treats when you add the tantalizing flavor of Kraft Salad Mustard! It's that light golden Kraft Salad Mustard ... that "just right" spicy tang that puts appetite excitement into all sorts of left-over dishes. Kraft Salad Mustard is creamy-smooth ... blends to perfection in tasty cream sauces for vegetables .. Zips up the flavor of fish and cold meats ... gives an extra lift to cheese fondue and Welsh Rarebits. And, for the somewhat sharper flavor some folks prefer, there's still another Kraft Mustard -- with horseradish added! Ask your dealer for either of these two popular Kraft-quality Mustards ... Kraft Salad Mustard or Kraft Mustard with horseradish added!

GILDY:
On behalf of our sponsors, the Kraft Cheese Company, and speaking for all of us here in the studio, I want to wish our listeners everywhere a very Merry Christmas. This year, of course, our thoughts go especially to our men and women in uniform, wherever they may be, and we join them in the hope that next Christmas may see them all home again, safe and sound. Goodnight, everybody.

ORCH:
TAG PLAY OFF UNDER THE FOLLOWING

ANNCR:
Music heard on this program was directed by Claude Sweeten. This is Ken Carpenter speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to listen again next Sunday for the further adventures of The Great Gildersleeve.

This program has reached you from Hollywood.

ORCH:
PLAY THEME TO END

ANNCR:
This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

NBC CHIMES

---

Ref: Generic Radio Workshop Script Library

and Simply Scripts

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