When we were first discussing Grandma’s funeral
arrangements, I asked whether we would be following the Chinese tradition
of handing out towels at the service. My parents said: “Oh no, we
won’t be giving out towels. Towels are only for when the family is
grieving a death. Grandma lived 101 years – we are going to be celebrating
her life.” And so thank you everyone for coming this
afternoon to help us celebrate the life of our grandmother, Chan Yook
Hai Choy. I am Lindy Choy {Kenny and Rebecca's daughter]
and this is my sister Cindy Choy. The service today is going
to be all about sharing some of the stories about Grandma’s amazing life,
and some of the teachings she left with us.
First of all, we would like to call our long time family
friend, Mr. Sergio Lee, to provide a eulogy in Chinese.
Grandma
was born in Toisan, China on July 10, 1909. At the age of 16, she
married our grandfather, Soo Choy, who sadly passed away in 1983.
She is survived by her four children: Gene (Susan) of Seattle, Sue Sem
of Burnaby, Kenny (Rebecca) of Brandon, Sue-On (Bill) of Brandon, 11 grandchildren,
10 great grandchildren.
Life in China was not easy for Grandma, for although our
family was prosperous, it was largely due to the fact that Grandpa and
Great-Grandfather were overseas in Canada, working hard to send money home
to support the family. Grandma remained in China with Great-grandmother,
and was left to take care of the children largely on her own. Grandma
was known for her resourcefulness and success at providing for her family.
During times of famine, our family never went hungry as Grandma was able
to successfully grow enough rice, potatoes and taro to keep the family
fed. She used to cut the potatoes and taro into small pieces and
dry them in the sun. When times grew lean and rice became scarce,
she would add the potatoes and taro to the rice rations to stretch it out
further. This foresight in storing and saving enough food kept our
family fed during the famine, and she even had enough to share with the
neighbours, which she did do.
Grandma lived her life by the real golden rules – be kind
to others and help those in need without expecting anything in return.
Another story about Grandma’s generosity was that she was returning from
working in the fields one day, after tending to the rice and potato crops.
It was very wet and rainy. She passed by one of the neighbours on
the road, who was just heading out. The neighbour had no cover, so
Grandma took off her hat and coat and gave them to the neighbour so she
could shield herself from the rain. That act of generosity was never
forgotten by the neighbour, and decades later, after both had successfully
emigrated to Canada, every so often the neighbour would send Grandma gifts
to repay her for her kindness. Whenever the Greyhound station called
to say that there were some live chickens from Langenburg, Saskatchewan
for us to pick up, we knew that the neighbour had sent another token of
thanks.
As a mother, Grandma made some great sacrifices during
her lifetime, by sending her young children away from her to ensure their
safety. She had to part with each of her children, leaving them with
family, and sometimes with friends, to get them out of China and the communists.
Auntie Sue-On was only 2 years old when Grandma had to let her go and trust
another family to smuggle Sue-On out of China. As our family was
prosperous and owned land, the incoming communists did not look kindly
upon us. There were times where Grandma and Great-Grandma suffered
harassment and assault by the communists. On one occasion, Grandma
tried to escape to Hong Kong to be with her children. She went to
a location off the road and had to wade through a river to get to safety.
Unfortunately, as she was crossing, she got caught, and was put into prison.
There was a period of time where she vanished and no one knew where she
had gone. Thankfully, she was later released and returned back to
the village.
As many of you may know, in the early 1900’s, the Canadian
government imposed a head tax on Chinese people. By law, each Chinese
immigrant had to pay a tax in order to come to Canada. The tax was
more than the family could afford to pay and therefore Grandma remained
back in China with the children, separated from Grandpa. In 1923,
the government passed further legislation which effectively excluded any
new Chinese immigration into Canada. These laws were not repealed
until 1947 and prevented the family from being together in Canada for many
years. In 2008, the Canadian government finally acknowledged the
injustice of this legislation, and Grandma was one of the last surviving
Chinese widows to receive restitution from the Government of Canada.
In 1958, Grandma finally immigrated to Canada and she
and Sue-On joined Grandpa in Newdale, Manitoba. They ran the “Paris
Cafe” and people came from miles around for Grandma’s banana cream pie.
They lived in Newdale until 1972, when they moved to Brandon to open Soo’s
Chop Suey House on 10th Street. She worked there beside Grandpa and
her family until 1982, when she and Grandpa retired.
During their years in Brandon, Grandpa and Grandma were
very social in the southwest Manitoba Chinese community. I remember
going on car trips with them to small Manitoba towns – Gladstone, Neepawa,
Strathclair, Langruth, and Minnedosa to visit other Chinese families who
lived and operated restaurants in these lonely prairie towns. Grandpa
and Grandma also used to enjoy entertaining people at their little house
on 26th Street and there would be 20 or more people crammed around tables
set up in their basement to feast on shark fin soup, BBQ duck, steamed
chickens, noodles and Chinese mushrooms. We would get out all the
fancy rice bowls and serving dishes and everyone would be so loud and happy.
There wasn’t a lot of this kind of authentic Chinese food available in
Brandon in the 1970’s, so the feasts were always special.
Grandma was always a good cook, and could elevate a simple
meal into something special. Her grandchildren all have favourites
that only grandma could make. The Hillman grandchildren swear by
grandma’s toast and scrambled eggs and say that no one could make it like
her. (Cindy) my favourite was … (Daugher) I dream of the burnt rice
from the bottom of the little pot she used to make rice, and we would dip
the lok-lok in the hahm yue jup.
After Grandpa passed on in 1983, Grandma stayed in her
house for another year with another Mrs. Choy (Hant Choy’s mother).
She then moved in with our parents, Kenny and Rebecca, and continued to
live with them for the next 25 years. Her retirement years were easy
and she lived a very comfortable life. The advent of satellite t.v.
was a great thing and it was wonderful for her to be able to finally watch
t.v. shows in Chinese. She especially loved the Chinese soap operas.
Grandma also had some North American television shows which she watched
faithfully. The Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune and the Lawrence
Welk shows were favourites. She also watched the Young and the Restless
religiously for probably 2 decades. Despite the fact that she did
not understand much English, somehow she always knew when Victor Newman
was misbehaving and you could her hear saying “tsk tsk” to herself as she
watched the show.
In her last year of life, Grandma became unable to walk,
and therefore needed the 24 hour assistance of a nursing home. She
moved into Fairview Home in April, 2009 and lived there until she passed
away on February 18, 2010. Grandma never lost her faculties and remained
mentally sharp right to the end. She also never lost her determination
and perseverance. In February, 2009, after she moved out of our house
and was temporarily staying at Assiniboine Centre, she was frustrated because
the physiotherapist wasn’t coming regularly to work with her. Even
though she was 100 years old, she was determined to work hard to try to
regain some functional ability in her legs. She was successful at
this and became able to transfer herself in and out of a wheelchair.
Last summer, she had developed a blood clot in her eye which was impeding
the vision in one of her eyes. In order to regain full sight, she
would have to travel into Winnipeg, stay overnight, and have eye surgery
at Misercordia Hospital. Now, at age 100, many people may choose
just to put up with the blurred vision, rather than travel 200 kms to get
a needle stuck into their eye. Not our Grandma. Rather than
put up with poor eyesight for the rest of her life, she chose instead to
travel the distance and get the procedure done. She was definitely
not a quitter.
Grandma was spiritual and had a real connection with plants
and greenery. When the famine struck in China, Grandma would talk
about how the bamboo trees responded and provided seeds for the family
to eat. Bamboo only rarely flowers, approximately once every 50 years.
Grandma said that when food became scarce, the bamboo dropped abundant
seeds and they would scramble below the stalks to gather every last grain.
Another example of Grandma’s connection with plants is when our father
fell ill with cancer in 1987 and he had to go to Winnipeg for treatment.
After a long course of chemotherapy, Dad recovered. When Grandma
was told that Dad was going to be okay, she said that she already knew
this. She knew because the Christmas cactus plant, which my parents
had in their house for years, had stopped wilting and was starting to bloom
again. Grandma said that she knew this was a sign that Dad was going
to be okay.
Grandma lived a very successful life and is survived by
4 children, 11 grandchildren, and 10 great grandchildren. Grandpa
and Grandma’s sacrifices were not in vain, and their unselfishness has
allowed us, as their legacies, to flourish in North America and establish
lives as doctors, professors, architects, lawyers, accountants, therapists,
computer programmers and more. We are so fortunate to have her genes
flowing through our bodies, but we do recognize that it is not all genetics
that got her to the ripe old age of 101. Grandma lived by many rules,
and we’d like to share some of the things which Grandma used to say, which
we assume were her secrets to a long and healthy life:
Secrets to a Long and Healthy Life
• Never go to bed with your hair wet.
• Eat bok choy every day.
• Exercise regularly – do calisthenics every day and take
a daily walk for as far as you can go. When she lived on 26th Street,
this meant walking around the block. Gradually, as she got older,
this decreased to a walk on the balcony, and then a walk around the house.
But she kept on doing as much as she could every day.
• Eat all the rice in your bowl, or else you will have
an ugly spouse.
• There were special rules related to pregnancy.
You were not to eat oranges, or bean sprouts or lamb while pregnant.
After birth, you were not to go outside of the house for 1 full month.
Auntie Sue-On almost got busted on this one after Ja was born when she
and Uncle Bill went to Woolco for diapers, and almost ran into Mom and
Grandma who were there buying cute new clothes for the baby.
• Let your children watch lots of t.v. – it will make
them smart and they will learn about the world.
• Liberally apply A535 every day to keep your body limber.
• Scrub your heels for good luck on New Year’s Eve and
don’t wash your hair on New Year’s Day. Also, don’t wear white, green
or blue in your hair because it is bad luck.
• Have hot water or soup with your meals to aid in digestion.
• Always keep candy on hand to give to young children,
and they will be sure to visit you often. Lifesavers, Werther’s candy
and Kit Kats are particularly effective at drawing the children in.
• Eat your meals at regular times. Grandma followed
a very strict schedule of breakfast at 9, lunch at noon, tea at 3, supper
at 6, and snack at 10:15. On her last day, she wasn’t feeling well
and took to her
bed at about 4 pm. She drifted off to sleep and her
breathing became unsteady. The staff recognized her condition and
called Mom and Dad and Sue-On to come and be with her. As they were
sitting by her bedside, true to form, at 6:30 pm on the dot, she suddenly
became more lucid, and spoke her last clear words: “sik faan” (time to
eat) and “bang jie” (cookie). She ate a couple of spoonfuls of pudding,
then went back to sleep until her last breath later that night.
• Most of all, Grandma lived with an easy laugh and she
loved her family well.
We are so lucky to have been blessed with Grandma's love
and presence for such a long time. The family would now like to light
incense for Grandma. The red incense pot was grandma's favourite
burner which she always brought out for celebrations.
[LIGHT INCENSE]
Thank you everyone for joining us in this celebration
today. We will now accompany Grandma to the Brandon Cemetery, following
which there will be a reception at Kam Lung restaurant on Victoria Avenue.
